M&S ramblings

Hold on to what you believe
in the light
when the darkness has robbed you of all your sight
Now this land means less and less to me without you breathing through its trees
I'm not whole when your not here
So what if I was wrong
Oh what if I was wrong
So hold onto what you believe
in the light
when the darkness has robbed you of all your sight
Hold onto what you believe
In the light

He stole my heart and made me sing
He tore me limb from limb
I did not think that I could love
or be loved that way again
How glad I was to be myself and use my heart once more
How glad I was to be your girl and love that man that I adore
My eyes shall see light again
and my heart shall bleed right again

Its ok to cry but he just sits there and stares
only the desolation he has
he feels the cold distance inside
but you and I can be all right
Just hold onto what we know is true
just feel the tide turning
Refusing what he knows to be real
turns away from every meal
but you and I now can be all right
Just hold onto what we know is true
what if I lost all I had
said the stranger to his dad
'stead he runs up to the nearest girl
Ill show you a whole new world
we can be all right
though its cold inside feel the tide turing
just hold onto what we know is true

No words to write

Has no words to write. Sometimes silence is your best friend. Sometimes it is better to weep and mourn then deal with the pain. It is better to hurt then feel empty inside. BUt I wish these feelings were easy to control. I will be overwhelmed with fear and sorrow. I will drown in the pain of life. I will hurt.
The lives of those we knew and lost will influence us for the rest of our lives. They are gone but not forgotten. They will be our guiding light and guardian angels forever and they will love us.
In the dark if you squeeze your eyes really tight and take a deep breath you can feel their arms around you, their voice in your ears telling you everything will be alright and you need not fear.
No need to fear and no need to cry.
To those who have lost I understand, I will weep along with you and I will not be ashamed
To remember those we need to remember
To those we need to remember
We need to remember
To Remember
Remember

Of Drowning and swimming

Of flying and Falling now of Drowning and swimming. we flounder in water, we splash in water, we float in water but mostly we drown. Drowning in a graveyard of water.
Water water all around
Water Water on the ground
Water water from above
Water water falling down
Is drowning as uncomfortable as they say it is? Is it painful? Drowning seems so peaceful being blown to bits seems so sudden. Sometimes I feel like i'm drowning. Drowning in my own fault. Drowning in life.
Life comes and goes. Goes and comes. Sometimes it comes peacefully but other times it takes a swift kick in the pants and it's rights explained to it. Seriously people life is not as easy as you make it out to be!!!
Life goes up and life goes down
Life goes left and to the right
Then why am I wearing watermelon on my feet?!!
I am drowning more then I am flying right now. I wish it was the other way and I could fly home. Now it takes a lot more energy to swim up stream. It feels more like a flounder then a butterfly.
But don't worry I have my family blowing up those arm floaties for me.

Of Flying and Falling

As I sit and listen to the rain I wonder if the sky is sad? Sure there are scientifical reasons for it to rain but can't the sky just be sad? I know I am. Don't worry Sky I am crying along with ya. The tears rain down and get my feet wet and I know that I have walk bare foot. Analogy for something? No I really have to walk bare foot. I'm wearing Moccasins the day the sky decided to cry.
I think of the way that birds learn to fly. They walk to the edge and leap. Sometimes we have to leap not knowing if what will happen in order to fly. Sometimes we fall and never fly again but sometimes we spread our wings and soar. I know what you are all thinking. I should become a motivational speaker. Am I? Heck no!!!!!
I feel like a bird sometimes. I want to soar and fly but am to scared to approach the edge for fear of falling.
To fall through the air with out a care,
To land on the ground able to run,
To feel free when the chains are tightened,
Able to fly
Able to soar
Free to be who I want to be

You can find inspiration in the strangest of places

Iwanna be the very best
Like no one ever was
To catch them is my real test
To train them is my cause
I will travel across the land
Searching far and wide
Teach Pokemon to understand
The power that's inside
Pokemon!
Gotta catch 'em all--
It's you and me
I know it's my destiny
Pokemon!
Ooooh, you're my best friend
In a world we must defend
Pokemon!
Gotta catch 'em all--
Our hearts so true
Our courage will pull us through
You teach me and I'll teach you
Pokemon!
Gotta catch 'em all!
Gotta catch 'em all!
Yeeaaa
Every challenge along the way
With courage I can face
I will battle everyday
To claim my rightful place
Come with me the time is right
There's no better team
Arm in arm we'll win the fight
It's always been our dream
Pokemon!
Gotta catch 'em all--
It's you and me
I know it's my destiny
Pokemon!
Ooooh, you're my best friend
In a world we must defend
Pokemon!
Gotta catch 'em all--
Our hearts so true
Our courage will pull us through
You teach me and I'll teach you
Pokemon!
Gotta catch 'em all!
Gotta catch 'em all!

Hope in the dark

And sometimes you don't want to know the end.
Because how could the end be happy?
How could the world go back to the way it was
when so much bad had happened?
But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow.
Even darkness must pass.
A new day will come.
And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.
Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why.
But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand.
I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't.
They kept going.
Because they were holding on to something

So It begins

Where is the horse and the rider
where is the horn that was
blowing
They are past like rain
on the Mountains
Like wind in the meadow
The days have gone down
in the west
Behind the hills
into shadow
How did it come to this?

There is always hope
The Horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the Deep one last time!!!!

Stalking, Sun and Other Questions

I sit on the dock and feel the warmth on my skin. I wonder as the sun beats down what powers does the sun actually posses? It's strong enough to heat my skin, give life to plants, and even melt some ice. I then wonder if maybe I should worry about burning.
The lake beneath me is cool and clear. Well clear except for the sea weed. Or is is lake weed? I feel so blessed to be up here. It is my home away from home.
The neighbors sets the sprinkler system up and I wonder what they think they are watering? Yes there are some trees but mainly it is the sage brush and few sprinkling of flowers
Lupines? What you mean the flower?
And maybe we have an obsession with Tie dye? But it's nothing to worry about.
A few birds and a few clouds
we have to many clouds and not enough of the right birds
People pay money to see what we have. We get to see it for FREEEEeeee. I should be more grateful for for we have. Cause one day it could all burn down in a freak accident.(Touch some wood for luck)
And you would think that after the 10th time of flying into a window without luck that the bugs would learn. Bugs are obsessed with light. It is annoying when you lie down on a pillow of bugs instead of your actual pillow.
You never actually know what you are grateful for until you loose it.
And I wish I would tan instead of burning and going straight back to pale. I got competition you know!
And is it really bad to stalk someone? I mean it could turn into something bad but what if it is stalking at a distance? Plus what if you can't help looking at him? I mean sure it could be considered staring but really? What does it matter. Ha Ha ha ha yeah.

Fear of fear

The sky is blue and the clouds are white but I still feel something is wrong. The earth is still turning, the sun is still shining and I actually slept well. My life has been such a whirlwind. Maybe I need to do more of that sleep thing. Still not sure how to do that though. This sick feeling needs to go away and leave me in peace. Peace of mind, Peace of heart, and peace of stomach.
Whirling and twirling makes me hurling
The fire is a nice hot feeling in the cold. I wonder how the fire feels? Warm breeze, warm please. Cooling touch, chicken hutch.
Tired and sleep are they the same thing? They both end up asleep with their eyes squeezed shut. I squeeze my eyes when fear closes them. Is it the fear of sleep or the fear of no control? I wonder as the dark closes in. Fear of sleep equals fear of everything.
I wonder what it is in the dark that people most fear? Is it the dark itself or the fear of fear that chases our dreams? The dreams I have could chase you to screams. I wonder if we control our dreams or the dream master. That is the thought that many are afraid of. To be afraid is to be human. I wish not to be human and have no fear.
Fear of fear is fearful in itself.

The silence in our words

Why do we write when we can talk? Why do we talk when one can write? Does writing fulfill a need to speak? Do people speak too much? For some reason there are people who, unlike some others, can do nothing but speak. They speak what is on their minds and in their hearts. Why I ask can I not express what is in my mind. It is hard to form the words that would release the pressure on my heart. I write the words but they don't tell the story that I want them to tell. The words write themselves. Those words write me.
The secret words that want to be written come out spelled differently. They do not obey me.
Do these words that people write, do they express their needs? These artist, these authors do they not hide themselves in their words? Oh if the world were filled with just words and not talk could we then express our hearts?
I wonder what these words would say if I could let them spell themselves. And why can you not stop saying what is in your heart and let me express myself the way I want?
The black ink so elegantly scrawls itself on the white innocent page. The devil itself takes hold and destroys any hope of purity. The ink, the sin. Oh thou vanquished soul how hast thou left this world for a castle in the sky?
The words I want they laugh at me. Well here is what I think of you.
What are words if we do not write them? Is there an answer? And do I just answer my questions with more questions? These are just words that strung together may or may not form a sentence and in the end of life what do these sentences form? If we but form ourselves like these sentences we may as well just speak what is in our minds. Our circle has come, the end is near. What have we learned but what we wrote. We write what we cannot say. We say what we cannot write. But the words don't form on our lips. In the end we write our hearts on a page disguised by the black of the ink and the white of the page. In the end we just write our stories and deal with the silence.